Fresh Start Monday #027: The way out is through
Over the weekend, I volunteered for a course called Process for the Co-Active Training Institute.
Process is all about exploring what emotions are coming up for your client in that present moment.
It's also the principle within the Co-Active coaching model that I most struggle with.
For those familiar with the Enneagram, I'm a type 5. This means I'm "heady" and spend a lot of time in thought. Being able to learn and understand anything intellectually is my greatest strength, but it’s a struggle to access my emotions.
As I observed coaches learning "process" for the first time, I saw a reflection of myself—a natural tendency to talk about and fix the emotion rather than to feel and be with.
It's not something we're taught to do. In some families and cultures, emotions are not something to be talked about. Men are often taught to suppress them.
What I'm taking away from this weekend is how the course leaders made their clients feel heard and seen by exploring the depth and range of emotion in the present moment.
By asking questions such as:
What are you feeling right now?
What’re you noticing now?
What's coming up for you?
The client is able to go deeper and deeper as what is present evolves through exploration.
As I write this, I'm aware that what I experienced is hard to show through writing, but even more aware of how important it's we all have a coach, a family member, or a friend to sit with us and listen without any advice attached.
Applying it to your life
At work, the phrase Emotional Intelligence is well known and written about, but I believe the ability to feel emotions rather than just talk about them will distinguish the next generation of leaders.
The success you've had in your career can be attributed to your ability to think through and fix problems. Tapping into emotions does not take that away. Rather, it taps into the wisdom located in your heart and gut.
This week, if a friend, family member, or colleague brings something up to you, resist the urge to solve it. Instead, get curious, be with, and listen. That's all they’re looking for.