Fresh Start Monday #054: What does the phrase "come out of your shell" even mean?
I met someone at an event last week, and we chatted about what it means to "come out of your shell."
The phrase generally refers to someone who is shy but then starts to engage more with others and be more sociable. Another definition I found was being comfortable to be the person you are on the inside and show it on the outside.
The phrase, unfortunately, has this negative connotation that our shells are bad places or we need to leave and be someone else.
We all have a shell. Some of us spend more time in our shells than others. There's no wrong or right amount of time to spend in them. But we all have a natural tendency.
I've said I came out of my shell in college, but it's not this grand one-time event. It's this continual decision to stick your head out when you need to.
Looking at the metaphor more, a shell keeps a turtle protected and feeling safe throughout its life. It's not something it's trying to escape from.
This post isn't just about introverts! In the same way, introverts feel safe in their shells, extroverts feel safer outside a shell. For many, our largest growth area is spending a little more time where we don't like to. (Does anyone know if there's an opposite phrase?)
I like the metaphor of sticking your head out of the shell because it's about how long we need.
A long time ago, I read something that said, all you need is 20 seconds of courage.
I think of:
Asking someone out on a date
Introducing yourself
Asking for a raise
But there's also long periods when we might remain in our shells until we need to come out:
Working on a presentation for weeks before presenting it
Writing a book or content before needing to market and promote it
Or it's simply a period of focusing on yourself and recharging before engaging with others again
For extraverts, spending a little more time in the shell might look like:
Eating lunch by yourself
Staying in for one more evening a week
Going for solo walks
Last week, I met someone who's built an executive and leadership coaching company over the past 20 years. We had a really good 5-minute chat, and I tend to leave it there. But I then asked her if I could buy her a coffee and learn more about what she's built.
It's something I'm really looking forward to this week. It might end up being just one conversation, but I stuck my head out.
Take a moment to write down several situations you'll encounter or find yourself in this week. It could be conversations with people, events, or environments you'll be in.
What are your natural tendencies in these situations?
As you look ahead this week, ask yourself, what would it look like to spend a little bit more time outside your shell? Or in your shell?
What would that create for you?
Local to Boulder, CO?
Join me this Wednesday (9/13) on Meetup for a biweekly journaling group! Theme TBD.
Wine & Words on Wednesdays - Journaling Group - 20s and 30s
Wednesday, September 13th at 6pm MT at Chautauqua Park