Fresh Start Monday #85: Wu Wei
“Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone”. – Alan Watts
Do you ever want something too much?
You care way too much about the result of something?
A strong desire to not be where you are right now?
This desire creates a mindset of, “I will be happy when...”
When I returned home from traveling abroad for three years, I had three things that I really wanted.
Discover and build a career I care about
Find a partner
Build a sense of community and home
Three things that I didn't have much interest in while traveling. It felt like a different phase in life, and when I returned to the US, it felt like the right time.
However, I've noticed I care too much about the outcome.
For example, I want to continue to grow my coaching business, but that striving takes away from the fact that I've somehow been self-employed for 1.5 years. Something I have always dreamed of.
I don't think I've taken a moment to celebrate that. If you told me that five years ago, I would've signed up for that immediately.
Since it's not where I want it to be yet, the focus is on what I don't have.
Or in dating. I recently dated someone who I really liked and wanted it to work out. That same need and striving for it to happen is why it didn't.
Aldous Huxley once wrote,
“The harder we try with the conscious will to do something, the less we shall succeed. Proficiency and results come only to those who have learned the paradoxical art of doing and not doing, or combining relaxation with activity.”
This has been dubbed “The Law of Reversed Effort”. It’s the idea that the more we try to do something, the worse we become at it.
When I first reflected on caring too much about something happening and this law, I couldn't understand. Isn't that just an excuse to be lazy? To sit around and hope things happen for you?
It's not until I learned about "Wu Wei" that things started to click.
Wu Wei is an old idea found in Daoism which translates to "non-action" or "effortless action." “Try not to try” is another phrase I've seen used.
It's about taking action naturally and effortlessly without being attached to the outcome. It's about putting less pressure on things and surrendering to what is—about accepting life's flow and letting it unfold.
Wu Wei is a recognition that some things need patience and space.
A simple example is that when you try really hard to fall asleep. You take the actions and make the conditions to fall asleep, but you can't force it.
I've started to realize that while backpacking, I had the exact opposite mindset. I let go of any expectations. I showed up and had fun. Whether good or bad, I enjoyed the experience for what it was.
It's probably because I took that to the extreme that when I returned, I was like ok, NOW, it's time to focus on my career, finding a partner, and building a community where I live.
I thought that not working, traveling, living out of a backpack would be impossible to ever replicate again, but “The Law of Reversed Effort", has highlighted that the bigger difference between now and then is my mindset.
Society teaches us we need things. Titles. Partners. Possessions. Etc. We are engulfed in desire.
Mark Manson in his book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck said, "desiring a positive experience is itself a negative experience; accepting a negative experience is a positive experience."
I'm learning that I can't force anything to happen and that there are areas in life where trying harder makes things worse.
Journal Prompts
Where in your life are you trying too hard? Are you forcing it?
Or in what area do you care too much about a result?
How might you apply the idea of Wu Wei?
Local to Boulder, CO?
Join us Tuesday (4/23) on Meetup for a free biweekly journaling group. Location TBD!
Books
Currently reading:
Training for the Uphill Athlete: A Manual for Mountain Runners and Ski Mountaineers
Finished reading:
The 5AM Club: Own Your Morning. Elevate Your Life.
Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence
Ready to dive deeper?
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