Fresh Start Monday #010: What do I actually want?
Last week I asked, what am I letting go of?
The first ink on-page was the need to let go of full-time employment.
It's safe. It's stable. It's shackling.
I want a full-time income and financial health. But when I look at my top five values, I find freedom. I don't have values around safety and security. (After being laid off, it's easy to question whether those values exist in a typical job?)
A full-time job provides money, but in a transition period, it takes away a more valuable asset, space in your life to accept what comes up.
I've had long bouts of procrastination and not feeling productive being unemployed. I've felt this internal pressure to fill and protect it simultaneously.
Two weeks ago, I had a recruiter reach out on Linkedin about a full-time role. I responded and showed interest almost unconsciously. When they replied to set up a time for an initial call, I changed course and pulled back.
I'm entertaining alternative ways of working, such as part-time or freelance work. I want to arrive at a new chapter in my life, but mostly it’s been wheels spinning.
We live in an impatient world. We want the next job, relationship, and project, but the next one starts the same cycle we seemingly can't escape.
I don't know what the next chapter looks like or how long it will take. I'm letting go of full-time work because I won't have the time or energy for opportunities that may come up.
Career-wise, I'm also letting go of the idea that fully remote work is the answer. I've had a love/hate relationship with it.
The flexibility and convenience it provides are undeniable. Moving twice in the last two years would have been impossible.
But being unemployed, I still can't leave my laptop's orbit.
Technology has allowed us to communicate and reach for corners of the earth, and more than ever, I want face-to-face interaction.
I'm independent, introverted, and letting go of the idea I can sit all day inside on a laptop.
I'm also letting go of my self-discovery phase.
In the last decade, I lived abroad and around the US, changed career paths several times, and uprooted most of my life, but I want to corral my curiosity toward new experiences.
Research suggests humans are awful at predicting what they'll enjoy. Openness to new experiences has enormous value, but I'm at the diminishing returns part of the graph.
Moving to Boulder has been exciting, but it's a reminder of how much energy I expend to make new friends and find my footing. Energy I can't put into other parts of my life.
After all these experiences, I have a good idea of what I like and don't like and who I am, but there's still a voice in my head that wonders what it'll be like to live in Vancouver, CA. Or if I would make a good therapist.
Boulder is at the base of a playground I'll never finish exploring. Coaching and writing are two disciplines I'll never master. I'm letting go of changing my environment and career and committing to what I have.
We want to say yes to more in our lives without making room by saying no to something else.
What are you letting go of?
Fresh Start Experiment
This week is about the future.
Each morning this week, I'll sit down with a blank journal page in front of me. At the top, I'll write, what do I actually want?
I'll write everything I can think of in an unconscious stream of thoughts. I won't judge or analyze anything as I write. It might take five minutes or an hour.
The following day, I'll sit down again. At the top of the page, I'll write, what do I actually want? And unleash on the page.
The next morning, the same thing until I do it for seven days.
I like journaling because I can’t delete or edit.
You'd think you run out of things to say, but sticking with the prompt encourages quality over quantity. You won't necessarily think of new ideas, but expand and dig deeper into them.
If that's a hard question for you to answer or it's fuzzy, you're in the majority. The first couple of days is like a rough draft. Each day brings more clarity.
If this is hard, you can also start with what you don't want.
Applying it to your life
Another inquiry I've used in the past:
What does a day in your life look like five years from now? Again, be as detailed as possible.
Once you let go, what is standing backstage, waiting to make its entrance?