Fresh Start Monday #76: Leave some room for the milk

Most of our lives are filled to the brim.

It’s like we pour a cup of coffee to the very edge, and then try to walk across the room. If we walk in slow motion, we might manage, but the tiniest occurrence or interruption sends us spilling over the edge.

When you’re filled to the brim, small stressors, tasks, and interactions have an outsized impact. This usually happens when we feel like we're not doing enough, we want to optimize our day, or we simply say "yes" to everything.

It often feels like the day is getting away from you. Here are some examples of what that may look like:

  • A work email that adds another to-do suddenly makes your day feel overwhelming.

  • A friend asking you for a small favor feels stressful.

  • A small remark or question by a loved one causes you to snap at them.

  • A common one I hear from clients is when they're driving. Getting stuck in traffic or sitting at a long red light leads to a strong verbal outburst.

  • When you’re constantly operating in a state of urgency. Everything feels important. It’s when you seemingly can’t prioritize anything. This may show up as always needing to multitask.

Going back to the metaphor, normally, picking up a water bottle is no big deal. However, if your cup of coffee is on the verge of overflowing, picking up a water bottle with your other hand suddenly feels impossible.

When you live at the teetering edge, you never know what will push you over. This often shows up as a perpetual state of feeling tired, exhausted, burnt out, stressed, or anxious.

Here are three ideas to help you leave room for milk.

1. Expect the unexpected

Every day will always bring something unexpected either in your professional or personal life.

One way to think about this is always to leave a little slack in your day. By filling our day to 80% instead of 100%, we can say yes to additional tasks or activities without worry. We know we have a buffer.

You know that sigh of relief when a Zoom meeting gets canceled at the last minute? Schedule that into your day.

When you have entire days full of back-to-back meetings, that never leaves room for anything that comes up. Pushing work further into the evening or the next day.

That buffer can also simply be used to rest or recharge.

2. Understand Hofstadter's law

Hofstadter's law states that a project always takes longer than expected, even when the law is taken into account. This law refers to a type of planning fallacy.

It is the observation that we tend to underestimate the time that is required to complete any given task.

If you've ever looked at your partially completed, ambitious to-do list, you've experienced this law in action.

When I work with clients on productivity, I have them do this fun exercise. I ask them to estimate how long certain activities will take, and then have them track it. You only need to do this over a few days.

The key here is to track different types of activities. Work, personal, and interpersonal. We are better at estimating some things over others.

This tends to shock people.

  • Guess how long it takes you to make a "quick" trip to the grocery store. What is it actually?

  • Guess how long it takes you to shower and leave for something. What is it actually?

  • Guess how long it takes you to write a blog post. What is it actually?

The exercise gives you an idea of how long things take you throughout the day. Remember Hofstadter's law and give yourself some extra time.

3. Letting go

Which responsibilities, relationships, or projects are taking up a lot of space? Which one can you let go of?

Some great places to start:

  • Does this project you're taking on align with your long-term vision? Does it fit in?

  • Does this relationship add or subtract from your life?

  • Is this item or task a priority for you?

If a client hesitates to let go of something, I ask them to do so for only a week as an experiment. The absence of something can hold the answer.

As you plan your days and weeks, leave some room for the milk.

Local to Boulder, CO?

Join us Tuesday (2/13) on Meetup for a free biweekly journaling group! This week will be at Tonic Alchemy Lounge. It's a cozy, intimate space with a wide variety of tea, kava, tonics, desserts, and cocktails available.

Thoughtful Tuesdays - Biweekly Journaling Group

Tuesday, February 13th at 6pm MT at Tonic Alchemy Lounge!

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